What’s up followers! B-Rock here, and firstly I’m soooo sorry for posting late. I could call it ‘fashionably late’ like my famous entrances but you guys mean so much to me it wouldn’t be right.

I have something in store for you that’s super jam today. And it’s one of my best tips yet, so I think you’ll forgive me but I understand if some of you are still really upset that this is 12 hours late.

I didn’t end up going to that little 8 year old’s house after her building security guard wouldn’t give me her schedule. I haven’t seen her around my B-lock since, plus a little bit of me felt bad for her – I know she’s 8 but sometimes I think that’s still really young.

So you know how Companies and people set visions and stuff like guiding lights? I set a mission for myself in Shenzhen, kind of like a missionary or a visionary or it’s like a calling like in the Bible. I think Shenzhen’s style needs more B-Rock and I want to bring it to them – by way of… you guessed it!! A FASHION SHOW IN THE ELECTRONICS DISTRICT!!!

So I know you want this great tip that I have for you but first I need something from you. My friend here, Miracle Wang, which I don’t think is his real name, thinks it would cost about 2 million RMB to hire the main strip for the day so no one else can walk on it except me, then plus lights and heaps of cameras and DJ plus free drinks and snackums for everyone plus marketing and my fashion comes to about 10 million RMB.

What do I need from you and how can you help?

I need 10 million RMB. I asked Miracle if that was much money and he said it’s a fair bit, so I’m setting up a Patreon site where you can fund me. I need 10 people to donate 1 million RMB each and in exchange I’ll give you each a hot fashion tip.

This is my almighty contribution to my new home away from home. If it makes just ten thousand people reflect on how much better they could be dressing then it will be worth it, so please give your money to the best cause ever, ‘B-ROCKS SHENZHEN!’

Peaches and lava to all, and don’t forget every donation of 1 million RMB gets a hot fashion tip from your truly, it’syaB-Rock!

Buckle up for another Shenzhen fashion adventure. Or should I say – crazy misadventure!

I know I promised you all a fashion tip and you deserve one, so here it is.  If you’re ever thinking ‘what should I wear today?’ then you’re already overthinking it.  Some of my best styles come out when I’m mad rushed to get somewhere coz my Lyft is already waiting.  It’s just like ‘wham, bam, thank you Ma’am’ and I tell the driver to shut up coz I have like 8 minutes to sort out my style with my bag of tricks in the back seat. But here’s the thing – it always works.  It’s like what I said last time about my fashion being so natural, if you don’t think about it so much it looks like it flows way better.

So today while I was out shopping for – you guessed it – snackums(!) I saw this girl who was like 8 years old and a bitch and she had the same shirt as me except smaller because she was 8 and we made eye contact and she smiled like ‘how cute’ but I saw through it and knew she’d probably seen me wearing it 5 days ago and gone out and bought it.  So I followed her after she thought I walked off but she just kept strutting around the block for like 3 hours.

My block!

I’m fucking serious!

So this little tramp now thinks she’s me just because her Daddy has heaps of money to buy her Gucci but she probably can’t even pronounce it and now she thinks she’s the centre of attention in MY area, prancing around like a dog marking all the fire hydrants.

Anyway, you all know me – I wasn’t going to let her get away with thinking she’s Queen Bee even though I’m a guy but whatever, but since she thought she could get away with hogging all the lime I had to do something quickly but I was getting really tired because I still hadn’t had snackums but right then she started walking away.

So I know where she lives now and incidentally it’s aaaaages away haha so I know she is trying to move into my space – honestly she lives like 30 minutes away with her little 8 year old legs.

I didn’t do anything to her yet, but I have some really good ideas, so you’ll have to tune in to my next post to find out how I get this little fairy bitch out of my life!

Hi,

My name is Brian but you can call me B-Rock because I call myself B-Rock because my wife calls myself B-Rock. Her name is Baby Schnugs but I’m the focus of this blog.

What’s that? A hot fashion tip? Sure thing, just keep cool and keep on reading. You’re doing great!

During my time in Shenzhen so far I’ve seen countless fashion ‘uh-ohs,’ six ‘no my God!’s and four ‘does your stylist even have eyes!’ I know, right, it’s like crazy over here. Even sometimes when I look right at them and scowl it’s like they don’t even feel shame.

So I like to take my inspiration from nature. I feel it makes my fashion more natural and flows more. So today I wore my iPhone outside the pants, like strapped on with some natural twine, and that was all.

JUST KIDDING!

I had you there! I have a Samsung. Apple is a crashing train you do NOT want to be seen riding. Fashion long left that company so pleaselistentomewhenisa-ay: ‘abandon the apple, it has been cored.’

Now for the hot tip.

But first a word from my sponsors. That would be great. Just a word guys, any time. I wrote to you weeks ago and none of you smarty pricks has even called back yet. I wear your stuff around looking like a trillion dollars and you give me shade. Seriously, I will write you YET AGAIN but this is the fourth and almost certainly final time.

The tip!

You’ll have to come back tomorrow to hear it. I know, I know… ‘ but B-Rock what should I wear tomorrow?’ ‘How will I increase my chances of getting that cool guy/girl to ask me out.’ Well, firstly make sure they’re nowhere near me because you’ll look like Priscilla after a dozen crickets by comparison.